1 00:00:07,140 --> 00:00:09,475 Captions made possible by COMEDY CENTRAL 2 00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:16,081 RENO DISPATCH! 3 00:00:16,183 --> 00:00:17,716 THIS IS 14-DAVID-21. 4 00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:19,350 WE ARE EAST BOUND ON ROUTE 80 5 00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:21,820 IN HOT PURSUIT OF A WHITE B.M.W., 6 00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:25,457 NEVADA PLATE: M-D-4... 7 00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:27,025 UH, THAT'S A VANITY PLATE. 8 00:00:27,127 --> 00:00:28,326 IT'S A VANITY PLATE. 9 00:00:28,428 --> 00:00:30,261 M-D-4-K. 10 00:00:30,364 --> 00:00:31,796 DOC... THAT MEANS DOCTOR. 11 00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:35,033 DOCTOR... DR. FORK, DR. FORK! 12 00:00:35,136 --> 00:00:36,301 ME "D" FORK. DR. FORK. 13 00:00:36,403 --> 00:00:37,702 DR. FORK ME "D" FORK. 14 00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:39,804 DR. FORK... K-9, K-9! 15 00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,173 K-9 IS A DOG. 16 00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:42,407 DOG... DOCTOR FOR CANINES! 17 00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:43,510 HE'S A VET! HE'S A VET! 18 00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:44,443 LOOK OUT, LOOK... 19 00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:45,811 [crashing] 20 00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:49,614 [sirens blaring] 21 00:00:51,819 --> 00:00:54,319 OH HO, OH, HO-HO! 22 00:00:54,421 --> 00:00:58,557 [police radio chatter] 23 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,859 AGGGHHHH! 24 00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:04,296 HERE YOU GO... LAL-LA, YEAH... 25 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:08,567 [screaming] 26 00:01:08,669 --> 00:01:09,567 [man on radio] 2-3, Roger, Roger! 27 00:01:09,669 --> 00:01:10,569 Shots fired! 28 00:01:10,671 --> 00:01:12,805 OH-HO-HO! 29 00:01:12,906 --> 00:01:16,674 [police radio chatter] 30 00:01:22,248 --> 00:01:23,915 [sirens blaring] 31 00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:27,553 [Dangle] GARCIA. 32 00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:29,154 [Garcia] THANK YOU. 33 00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:30,689 UH... DON'T KNOW WHO'S DOING IT. 34 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:32,624 UH, I BROUGHT SOME TAMALES, HOMEMADE, 35 00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,459 MOM MADE 'EM. 36 00:01:34,562 --> 00:01:35,627 UH, PUT 'EM IN THE FRIDGE. 37 00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:37,629 NOW I HAVE FOUND THEY'RE MUSSED UP. 38 00:01:37,731 --> 00:01:39,230 FINGERPRINTS ON 'EM. 39 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,232 DON'T KNOW WHO IT IS, DON'T WANT TO KNOW. 40 00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:44,169 ALL I'M SAYIN' IS KEEP YOUR GODDAMN [blank] MITTS 41 00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,004 OFF MY TAMALES, OKAY? 42 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,450 NOW THAT YOU'RE POINTING FINGERS, 43 00:01:47,474 --> 00:01:49,807 I'D LIKE TO KNOW WHO TOOK THE FINGERPRINT DUSTING KIT 44 00:01:49,909 --> 00:01:51,610 OUT OF THE FINGERPRINT AREA. 45 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:54,112 ALL OF A SUDDEN, THERE WERE FINGERPRINTS ON YOUR TAMALES. 46 00:01:54,214 --> 00:01:55,947 HOW DID YOU CHECK THAT, T.J. HOOKER? 47 00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:57,815 WELL, IT SHOULD NOT BE TO THE POINT 48 00:01:57,918 --> 00:02:00,652 WHERE I HAVE TO CHECK IT, MacGYVER. 49 00:02:00,754 --> 00:02:02,754 MacGYVER WAS NOT A POLICE OFFICER. 50 00:02:02,856 --> 00:02:04,423 WELL, HE WAS AN INVESTIGATOR. 51 00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:05,891 NO, HE WAS NOT. YES, HE WAS. 52 00:02:05,993 --> 00:02:07,804 [Jones] HE WAS AN INVENTOR, HE WAS AN INVEN... 53 00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:09,961 WELL, YOU KNOW, THE GUY I MEANT WAS MATLOCK. 54 00:02:10,064 --> 00:02:10,795 THAT'S WHO I MEANT. 55 00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:12,008 MATLOCK... FINE. 56 00:02:12,032 --> 00:02:13,672 MATLOCK'S A DETECTIVE, THAT'S DIFFERENT. 57 00:02:13,701 --> 00:02:15,701 QUIET DOWN, MAUDE. 58 00:02:15,802 --> 00:02:17,769 [laughing] 59 00:02:17,872 --> 00:02:19,304 SHE'S WAY OFF! 60 00:02:19,406 --> 00:02:21,139 THAT'S A SITCOM. 61 00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:23,208 YOU ARE ON THE MOON, WIEGEL. 62 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:24,510 I'M SORRY. 63 00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:26,778 OKAY, PEOPLE THIS JUST CAME DOWN 64 00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:28,647 FROM THE VERY TIPPETY-TOP BRASS. 65 00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:31,383 MAYOR JUAREZ, OUR HONORABLE MAYOR... 66 00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:33,852 HIS SON, JAIME, BLEW OFF HIS THUMB, 67 00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:38,389 UH, WITH AN ILLEGAL M-80 FIREWORK. 68 00:02:38,491 --> 00:02:40,692 SO, YEAH, THE HEAT IS REALLY COMING DOWN. 69 00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:41,904 WE GOTTA PUT A STOP TO IT. 70 00:02:41,928 --> 00:02:43,529 WE GOTTA PUT A STOP TO IT NOW. 71 00:02:43,631 --> 00:02:45,397 WASN'T MATLOCK A LAWYER? 72 00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:46,999 [bleep] MATLOCK WAS A LAWYER. 73 00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:53,706 HEY, KARL. HEY, KARL. 74 00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:55,340 HEY, HOW'S IT GOING? 75 00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:58,776 HOW YOU DOING THERE, BUDDY? 76 00:02:58,878 --> 00:02:59,778 I'M DOING OKAY. 77 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:00,920 YOU KNOW WHY WE OUT HERE? 78 00:03:00,981 --> 00:03:02,581 FOR THE FESTIVAL? 79 00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,716 FOR WHAT FESTIVAL? 80 00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,584 FOR THE... 81 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:09,287 SHOW OF LIGHT... PARADE. 82 00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:10,488 THE SHOW OF LIGHT PARADE? 83 00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:13,624 I'M MAKING A SURFBOARD FOR MY CACTUS BEETLE. 84 00:03:13,726 --> 00:03:15,927 WE OUT HERE BECAUSE WE GOT A CALL 85 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:18,196 THAT YOU WAS LETTING OFF FIREWORKS. 86 00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:21,299 NAH. IS THAT TRUE, KARL? 87 00:03:21,401 --> 00:03:22,668 IS THAT THE SHOW OF LIGHT? 88 00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:25,537 WE DO IT AT NIGHT, BUT, UH, 89 00:03:25,639 --> 00:03:27,172 I AIN'T GOT NO FIREWORKS. 90 00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:28,784 WERE DID YOU GET THE FIREWORKS, KARL? 91 00:03:28,808 --> 00:03:30,441 YOU GOT "BLACK CATS" HERE... 92 00:03:30,543 --> 00:03:33,712 THE MAGIC VAN... YOU GUYS ARE A COUPLE OF BLACK CATS. 93 00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:35,814 YOU KNOW, "JUMPING JACKS" ARE ILLEGAL HERE 94 00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:37,549 IN THE STATE OF NEVADA. 95 00:03:37,651 --> 00:03:39,584 YOU MEAN THE CALISTHENICS? 96 00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:43,554 ♪ YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEBODY I KNOW ♪ 97 00:03:43,656 --> 00:03:45,757 WHAT ARE YOU... WHAT ARE YOU SINGING? 98 00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:48,760 SHE LOOKS LIKE SHIRLEY HEMPHILL 99 00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:50,828 FROM "WHAT'S HAPPENING!!" 100 00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:52,130 OKAY, ALL RIGHT. 101 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,665 YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M GONNA LEAVE. 102 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:54,899 "HEY, DWAYNE." 103 00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:56,445 I'M GONNA SHOW YOU WHAT'S HAPPENING. 104 00:03:56,469 --> 00:03:57,535 THIS IS WHAT'S HAPPENING. 105 00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,237 NO! HUH? 106 00:03:59,339 --> 00:04:01,173 THAT'S NOT CINNAMON! 107 00:04:01,275 --> 00:04:02,507 THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING. 108 00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:04,442 THAT'S NOT CINNAMON. 109 00:04:04,544 --> 00:04:05,910 I THINK I NEED A LAWYER. 110 00:04:06,012 --> 00:04:06,912 OKAY. 111 00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:08,847 THAT MADE MY GUM TASTE BAD. 112 00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:09,981 LET'S GO, LET'S GO. 113 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:10,849 ARE YOU SURE WE... 114 00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:12,283 NO, I'M SURE, LET'S GO. 115 00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:14,820 'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT'S HAPPENING, HUH? 116 00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:16,254 HEY, HEY, HEY! 117 00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:17,357 [chuckling] 118 00:04:17,457 --> 00:04:18,957 WHEN I'M WEARING THIS OUTFIT 119 00:04:19,059 --> 00:04:22,827 THAT I GOT FOR THE PROSTITUTION STING... 120 00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,874 YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PUT THIS DELICATELY, 121 00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:27,031 BUT WHAT KIND OF UNDERGARMENTS DO YOU WEAR 122 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:29,301 THAT AREN'T GONNA BE... 123 00:04:29,403 --> 00:04:33,372 WELL... IS THIS A LINGERIE TYPE OF THING? 124 00:04:33,474 --> 00:04:35,407 OH, YEAH, THIS IS THE REAL DEAL. 125 00:04:35,508 --> 00:04:36,519 UP-THE-BUTT TYPE OF DEAL? 126 00:04:36,543 --> 00:04:38,276 WELL, YOU SHOULD... 127 00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:41,913 YOU SHOULD, UH... AS MY BROTHERS USED TO SAY, 128 00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:44,082 YOU SHOULD FREE-BALL IT. 129 00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,683 YOU CAN WEAR NOTHING UNDER... 130 00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:46,984 I MEAN, IT'S LINGERIE, 131 00:04:47,087 --> 00:04:48,531 SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WEAR UNDERGARMENTS. 132 00:04:48,555 --> 00:04:50,722 WHAT IS "FREE-BALL IT"? 133 00:04:50,824 --> 00:04:52,523 HAVE YOU EVER WORN A THONG? 134 00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:53,670 A WHAT? 135 00:04:53,694 --> 00:04:55,126 A THONG. 136 00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:58,062 YEAH, WHEN I GO TO THE BEACH, I WEAR THONGS. 137 00:04:58,164 --> 00:04:59,231 OH, YOU DO? 138 00:04:59,333 --> 00:05:01,532 NEVER FIGURED YOU FOR... 139 00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:03,534 WELL, MY FEET GET BURNED ON THE SAND... 140 00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:07,072 NO, HONEY, ONE OF THOSE... 141 00:05:07,173 --> 00:05:09,574 LITTLE, UH... DRAWERS... 142 00:05:09,676 --> 00:05:12,444 LIKE A SLINGSHOT, GOES UP YOUR BUM. 143 00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:14,246 OH, GOD, NO. YOU EVER WORN THOSE? 144 00:05:14,348 --> 00:05:15,425 NO, NO. 145 00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:17,115 THOSE WILL GIVE YOU A YEAST INFECTION. 146 00:05:17,217 --> 00:05:19,083 TESTING, TESTING. 147 00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:20,618 [tapping microphone] 148 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,355 THIS IS OFFICER TRUDY WIEGEL. 149 00:05:23,457 --> 00:05:27,426 IT IS 0-800... 150 00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:31,696 OH... 0-1300 HOURS... 151 00:05:31,798 --> 00:05:34,165 OUT HERE ON 4th STREET. 152 00:05:34,267 --> 00:05:36,368 DOING A LITTLE PROSTITUTION STING TODAY. 153 00:05:36,470 --> 00:05:38,770 SEE IF WE CAN'T CATCH OURSELVES 154 00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:42,340 SOME PERVERTS... 155 00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:44,776 LOOKING FOR A LITTLE... 156 00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:46,078 WHOOPEE. 157 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:48,012 HEY, THERE. 158 00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:50,348 HOW YOU DOING TODAY? 159 00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:52,283 CAN I OFFER YOU... 160 00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:53,718 CAN I... 161 00:05:53,820 --> 00:05:55,987 HE GOT SCARED, HE GOT SCARED. 162 00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:10,234 THERE THEY ARE. 163 00:06:10,336 --> 00:06:11,547 THERE THEY ARE. THERE THEY ARE. 164 00:06:11,571 --> 00:06:12,937 SON OF A BITCH. 165 00:06:16,209 --> 00:06:17,409 FREEZE! 166 00:06:17,511 --> 00:06:18,943 FREEZE RIGHT THERE! 167 00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,379 HANDS OVER YOUR HEAD, WALK TOWARDS US SLOWLY! 168 00:06:21,481 --> 00:06:23,748 SLOWLY, SLOWLY... FREEZE! 169 00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:25,717 NOW COME FORWARD, COME FORWARD! 170 00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:26,718 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! 171 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:27,820 DOWN ON YOUR KNEES! 172 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,120 HANDS ON YOUR HEAD! 173 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:30,489 NOT YOU, SIR, NOT YOU, SIR. 174 00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:31,456 NOT YET. 175 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:33,024 BEHIND YOUR HEAD, NOT ON TOP. 176 00:06:33,126 --> 00:06:34,259 SIR, TO THE RIGHT... 177 00:06:34,360 --> 00:06:36,861 HANDS... HEAD... BEHIND YOUR HEAD. 178 00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:38,096 DOWN ON YOUR KNEES, SIR. 179 00:06:38,198 --> 00:06:39,878 DO NOT LISTEN TO ME, LISTEN TO MY PARTNER. 180 00:06:39,966 --> 00:06:41,399 LISTEN TO HIM, NOT ME! 181 00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:43,268 DO NOT LISTEN TO MY PARTNER! 182 00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:44,480 LISTEN TO HIM! 183 00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:47,205 GET ALL THE WAY DOWN, ALL THE WAY DOWN. 184 00:06:47,307 --> 00:06:48,747 DON'T STOP... YOU STOP YOUR CRYING! 185 00:06:48,842 --> 00:06:50,122 STOP YOUR CRYING! 186 00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:51,609 YOU BETTER QUIT CRYING! 187 00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:53,110 GET THAT BIG ASS DOWN! 188 00:06:53,212 --> 00:06:54,490 GET IT DOWN! 189 00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:56,359 OKAY, LOOK, WE GOT AN A.P.B., TWO MALE CAUCASIANS. 190 00:06:56,383 --> 00:06:58,716 WE GOT KHAKI SLACKS, WE GOT BUTTON-DOWN SHIRTS, 191 00:06:58,818 --> 00:07:00,785 WE GOT NECKTIES, BLUE AND BROWN. 192 00:07:00,887 --> 00:07:03,154 YOU, BIG MAN, RIGHT HERE, IN THE GREEN. 193 00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,555 REACH... GET YOUR SATCHEL. 194 00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:05,938 TAKE IT OFF, SIR. 195 00:07:06,025 --> 00:07:07,259 SLOW! 196 00:07:07,361 --> 00:07:09,027 DON'T MOVE... GET GOIN'... LET GO! 197 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,029 JONES, CHECK THE BAG. 198 00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:12,664 STAY DOWN. STOP CRYING. 199 00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,432 SHUT UP. 200 00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:16,334 THEY'RE JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES. 201 00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:17,135 WHAT? 202 00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:18,970 THEY'RE JEHOVAH'S WITNESSES. 203 00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:20,938 [sobbing] 204 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:22,340 SORRY ABOUT THAT, FELLAS. 205 00:07:22,443 --> 00:07:23,508 WRONG MEN. 206 00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:24,970 SORRY ABOUT THAT, HAVE A GOOD DAY. 207 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:31,015 A.P.B., MY ASS. 208 00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,683 GOD, I HATE RELIGIOUS PEOPLE. 209 00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,619 [beep] THE GUY WAS CRYING. 210 00:07:34,721 --> 00:07:35,754 [honking horn] 211 00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:37,322 SEE YOU, HAVE A GOOD DAY! 212 00:07:37,424 --> 00:07:39,857 [wailing siren] 213 00:07:42,662 --> 00:07:45,262 [Junior] NOW, THE MAYOR'S ALL RAISING HELL 214 00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:46,576 BECAUSE, UH, HE WANTS US TO CRACK DOWN 215 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,467 ON ILLEGAL FIREWORKS, 'CAUSE HIS SON 216 00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:51,569 BLEW HIS THUMB OFF WITH AN M-80. 217 00:07:51,671 --> 00:07:53,538 BUT, UH, YOU KNOW, TRUTH IS, 218 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,373 I WAS AT THAT PARTY WITH THIS BOY, 219 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,542 AND, UH, THAT IS NOT HOW HE LOST HIS THUMB. 220 00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,910 HE WAS, UH... VERY DRUNK. 221 00:08:00,012 --> 00:08:01,713 I WAS VERY DRUNK MYSELF. 222 00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:04,215 SOMEBODY BET HIM $25 223 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,785 THAT HE COULD NOT SNATCH A TENNIS BALL 224 00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:08,520 OUT FROM UNDERNEATH A LAWNMOWER 225 00:08:08,622 --> 00:08:10,054 WHILE IT WAS GOING. 226 00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:11,634 AND HE DID IT TWICE, BUT THEY KEPT... 227 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:13,218 "DOUBLE OR NOTHING, DOUBLE OR NOTHING, 228 00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:14,559 RAY, DOUBLE OR NOTHING." 229 00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,127 AND THE THIRD TIME... WHACK. 230 00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:18,229 WHAT IS THAT? 231 00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:19,998 WHAT IS WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU WEARING? 232 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,533 OH, MY GOSH. 233 00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,902 PULL UP YOUR BLOOMERS, PLEASE! 234 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,870 THESE AREN'T BLOOMERS, THEY'RE UNDERPANTS... 235 00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:28,339 OKAY, WELL, YOUR... THEY SHOULD BE UNDER. 236 00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,208 LOOK, OKAY. 237 00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:32,310 I PICKED CAN YOU... IT OUT... 238 00:08:32,412 --> 00:08:34,779 IT LOOKED BETTER IN THE CATALOG THAN IT DOES ON. 239 00:08:34,882 --> 00:08:36,147 HEY, BIG BOY. 240 00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:37,482 HEY, HEY, THERE, HEY. 241 00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:38,483 STICK OUT YOUR BOOB... 242 00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:39,595 LOOK WHAT I'M DOING WITH MY LEG. 243 00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:40,652 I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING. 244 00:08:40,754 --> 00:08:43,821 JUST DO A LITTLE HIP ACTION, A LITTLE HIP ACTION. 245 00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:45,824 SEE THAT, SEE? 246 00:08:45,926 --> 00:08:47,692 OH, SEE, IT'S WORKING. 247 00:08:47,794 --> 00:08:48,993 HEY, BIG BOY. HEY. 248 00:08:49,095 --> 00:08:50,327 GOOD AFTERNOON, LADIES. 249 00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:51,940 YOU WANT TO GO AROUND, MAYBE A B.J. OR TWO? 250 00:08:51,964 --> 00:08:52,864 I'M ON MY DINNER BREAK. 251 00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,533 NO, GO AHEAD... NO, GO AHEAD. 252 00:08:55,636 --> 00:08:57,168 OKAY. 253 00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:58,270 HAVE FUN. 254 00:08:58,338 --> 00:09:00,505 ALL RIGHT, THANKS. 255 00:09:00,607 --> 00:09:03,407 I'LL BE... I'LL SEE YA IN A FEW, OKAY. 256 00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:05,610 HEY, HOW YOU DOING? 257 00:09:05,712 --> 00:09:07,278 HAVE FUN, YOU TWO. 258 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,591 BYE, TRUDY... 259 00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:09,615 WEAR YOUR SEAT BELT. 260 00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,215 I MEAN, BUNNY. 261 00:09:11,318 --> 00:09:14,452 HEY, I DON'T NEED YOUR SASS. 262 00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:16,754 I'LL JUST BE HERE! 263 00:09:16,856 --> 00:09:18,189 OR NOT! 264 00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,725 I MIGHT BE GIVING A B.J. SOMEWHERE! 265 00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:22,160 1300 HOURS. 266 00:09:22,262 --> 00:09:24,729 THIS IS LIEUTENANT JAMES DANGLE ON PATROL. 267 00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:28,667 I AM ON THE LOOKOUT FOR ILLEGAL FIREWORKS. 268 00:09:31,838 --> 00:09:34,239 THIS GUY'S FLAGGING ME DOWN OVER HERE. 269 00:09:34,341 --> 00:09:36,474 WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? 270 00:09:36,576 --> 00:09:37,856 HI. HI. 271 00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:39,210 HOW YOU DOING TODAY? I'M FINE. 272 00:09:39,312 --> 00:09:40,812 UH, I'M SORRY... 273 00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,080 ARE YOU HAVING SOME TROUBLE? 274 00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:43,301 YES. 275 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,951 I-I... MY DOG... I LOST MY DOG TWO DAYS AGO. 276 00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:47,252 OH, YOU GOT A LOST DOG THERE. 277 00:09:47,354 --> 00:09:48,820 OH, JEEZ. 278 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:50,154 OH, MAN, HE'S REALLY CUTE. 279 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,490 HE'S SUCH A CUTIE PIE. 280 00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,592 WHAT IS... WHAT KIND OF DOG IS THAT? 281 00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:56,027 WELL, IT'S A MIX BREED. 282 00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,628 HE WON, ACTUALLY, FIRST PRIZE 283 00:09:57,731 --> 00:09:58,875 AT "NUTS FOR MUTTS" THIS YEAR... 284 00:09:58,899 --> 00:09:59,797 DID HE REALLY? 285 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,443 "NUTS FOR MUTTS," ISN'T THAT WONDERFUL? 286 00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:03,868 IT'S HALF PEKINGESE AND HALF DACHSHUND. 287 00:10:03,970 --> 00:10:05,036 I WANT TO EAT HIM UP. 288 00:10:05,138 --> 00:10:07,071 REBEL?! 289 00:10:07,173 --> 00:10:08,539 REBEL. 290 00:10:08,641 --> 00:10:09,808 THAT'S A WONDERFUL NAME. 291 00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:11,242 THAT'S A WONDERFUL DOG NAME. 292 00:10:11,344 --> 00:10:14,478 HE'S BASED ON A... I NAMED HIM AFTER THE MOVIE. 293 00:10:14,581 --> 00:10:17,314 "REBEL..." 294 00:10:17,416 --> 00:10:20,518 "SERPICO," 'CAUSE HE'S A REBEL. 295 00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,720 I THOUGHT IN "SERPICO" HIS NAME IS PACO? 296 00:10:26,393 --> 00:10:27,553 UM... 297 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,707 CAN I SAY SOMETHING? SURE. 298 00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:30,195 SURE. CAN I BE FRANK? 299 00:10:30,296 --> 00:10:31,129 ARE YOU FRANK? 300 00:10:31,231 --> 00:10:32,231 I NEVER ASKED YOUR NAME. 301 00:10:32,299 --> 00:10:33,331 I'M SORRY, I AM FRANK. 302 00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:34,198 YOU ARE FRANK. 303 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,467 OH, MY GOD, THAT'S SO FUNNY, 304 00:10:35,569 --> 00:10:36,901 BECAUSE I'M JIM. 305 00:10:37,003 --> 00:10:39,003 OH... UH... 306 00:10:42,675 --> 00:10:44,408 REBEL?! REBEL?! 307 00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:45,843 REBEL, REBEL... 308 00:10:45,945 --> 00:10:47,678 OH, THAT'S A DAVID BOWIE SONG. WAIT, STOP. 309 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:51,248 NO. 310 00:10:51,350 --> 00:10:52,417 NO, THOSE ARE FLOWERS. 311 00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:53,519 [blaring car alarm] 312 00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,086 EXCUSE ME! 313 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,553 SIR? 314 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,356 WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? 315 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,457 HEY! HEY! 316 00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,261 DID YOU BREAK THIS WINDOW OUT? 317 00:11:03,363 --> 00:11:04,562 WHAT? 318 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,764 I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO PUT THAT BRICK DOWN. 319 00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:09,000 DID YOU USE THAT BRICK TO BREAK OUT THAT WINDOW? 320 00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:10,568 NOPE. 321 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,590 I DON'T NEED A BRICK IF WANT TO BREAK A WINDOW. 322 00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,472 NOW, DID YOU BREAK THE WINDOW? 323 00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,708 HAVE YOU BEEN SNIFFING GAS? 324 00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:20,945 OKAY! 325 00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:25,483 YOU SEE THAT? 326 00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,665 GO RUN FROM THE POLICE AND KNOCK YOUR OWN SELF OUT. 327 00:11:27,754 --> 00:11:28,820 RIGHT. IDIOT. 328 00:11:28,922 --> 00:11:29,922 GIRL, WAIT A MINUTE. 329 00:11:29,990 --> 00:11:31,022 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 330 00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,423 HELP ME GET UP ON THIS THING. 331 00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,225 THIS LOOK DANGEROUS. 332 00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:37,495 IT'S PRETTY STEADY... THERE YOU GO. 333 00:11:37,597 --> 00:11:39,363 OH! 334 00:11:39,465 --> 00:11:41,332 OH, WHOA! 335 00:11:41,434 --> 00:11:44,369 [clattering] 336 00:11:45,939 --> 00:11:47,772 [man] HELLO, HELLO, HELLO, HELLO! 337 00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:50,708 ALL RIGHT, YOU ARE OBSTRUCTING JUSTICE, SIR! 338 00:11:50,810 --> 00:11:51,709 GET BACK... 339 00:11:51,812 --> 00:11:54,011 THAT FEELS GOOD, THAT FEELS GOOD! 340 00:11:54,113 --> 00:11:55,847 WHOA, WHOA! 341 00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:58,215 [hooting] 342 00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,117 YOU BETTER HOPE I DON'T CATCH YOU, BOY! 343 00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:03,254 YOU BETTER HOPE I DON'T CATCH UP WITH YOU! 344 00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:04,522 DON'T TOUCH! 345 00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:06,491 DON'T YOU GET IN THAT CAR! 346 00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:08,793 DO NOT THINK ABOUT IT! 347 00:12:08,895 --> 00:12:10,728 HEY, HEY, HEY! 348 00:12:10,831 --> 00:12:15,499 [blaring sirens] 349 00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:17,802 WE ARE SCREWED. WE ARE SCREWED. 350 00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,604 WE ARE SCREWED. 351 00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:22,206 WE GONNA SAY HE TRIED TO RAPE US. 352 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,586 WE GONNA LIE. 353 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,443 WE GONNA SAY HE TRIED TO RAPE US. 354 00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:27,978 [panting] 355 00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,360 HE ATTACKED US. 356 00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,916 HE TRIED TO R... 357 00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:35,053 HAND OVER THE TAPE. 358 00:12:35,155 --> 00:12:36,888 GIVE US THE TAPE. 359 00:12:36,989 --> 00:12:38,922 HAND OVER THE... GIVE US THAT TAPE! 360 00:12:39,025 --> 00:12:40,657 I WILL CUT YOU! 361 00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:43,561 OOP. 362 00:12:43,663 --> 00:12:45,363 ♪ POP GOES THE WEASEL ♪ 363 00:12:45,465 --> 00:12:47,131 THIS LOOKS LIKE AMERICAN CHEESE. 364 00:12:47,233 --> 00:12:49,801 WHAT SIZE SHOE DO YOU WEAR THERE? 365 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:53,071 I HAVE A... 10½, 366 00:12:53,173 --> 00:12:55,673 BUT I'LL TELL YA, I'M BUSTING OUT OF IT. 367 00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,842 I'M BUSTING OUT OF MY SNEAKERS. 368 00:12:57,944 --> 00:13:00,345 OPEN UP CHOO-CHOO TRAIN. 369 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:02,113 [imitating train] 370 00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:02,914 WHOO-WHOO! 371 00:13:03,015 --> 00:13:04,115 WHOO-WHOO! 372 00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:07,184 WATCH ME, I'LL TURN ON A REAL SIREN, WATCH. 373 00:13:07,287 --> 00:13:09,454 OH, NO, THAT'S A LIGHT. 374 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,889 SO, YOU DON'T THINK IT'S TOO BIG, RIGHT? 375 00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:16,894 I DON'T... I... 376 00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:18,162 THE NOSE? NO. 377 00:13:18,264 --> 00:13:20,364 NO, NO, IT'S VERY, UH... 378 00:13:20,466 --> 00:13:24,435 UH... ROMAN. 379 00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,871 ♪ WHEN IN ROME ♪ 380 00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,139 ♪ WHEN IN ROME ♪ 381 00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:31,242 "WHEN IN ROME"... IS THAT A SONG? 382 00:13:31,344 --> 00:13:32,977 I'M JUST FLAT-OUT DRUNK, I THINK. 383 00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:40,118 SIR? HEY, PEEK-A-BOO. 384 00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,419 HI. 385 00:13:41,521 --> 00:13:43,065 WHAT ARE YOU DOING PLAYING HIDE-AND-SEEK TONIGHT? 386 00:13:43,089 --> 00:13:45,856 WHY ARE YOU HIDING BEHIND A GIGANTIC SPOOL, SIR? 387 00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:47,325 I'M GOOD, I'M GOOD. 388 00:13:47,427 --> 00:13:48,225 YOU'RE GOOD? 389 00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:50,161 HOLY [BLEEP]! HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! 390 00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:51,543 OH, MY GOD! 391 00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:52,871 WELL, WELL. 392 00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:54,499 WHOA... HEY, HO, HO, HO... 393 00:13:54,601 --> 00:13:56,501 HEY, PETER PAN, TAKE IT EASY! 394 00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:57,668 WHOA, WHOA! 395 00:13:57,770 --> 00:13:58,981 GET HIM, JONES! 396 00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,338 SIR, SLOW DOWN. 397 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,639 WE'RE GONNA NEED BACKUP, WE'RE GONNA NEED BACKUP. 398 00:14:02,742 --> 00:14:05,743 WE GOT A NAKED WHITE MAN, UH, RUNNING... 399 00:14:05,846 --> 00:14:07,579 HEY, DON'T DO THAT! 400 00:14:07,681 --> 00:14:08,681 HE JUST FLIPPED US OFF! 401 00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:10,147 SON OF A BITCH! 402 00:14:10,249 --> 00:14:12,082 [muttering] 403 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,684 I DON'T EVEN WANT TO TOUCH HIM. 404 00:14:13,786 --> 00:14:15,419 HEY, HEY, HO, HO, HO... 405 00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:16,699 SLOW DOWN, SIR! 406 00:14:16,723 --> 00:14:19,057 OH, SON OF A BITCH! 407 00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:20,525 SON OF A BITCH! 408 00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,793 WHEE-OO! 409 00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:23,895 GODDAMN IT. 410 00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:24,895 I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT. 411 00:14:24,997 --> 00:14:26,317 I THOUGHT YOU HAD SPEED, BROTHER. 412 00:14:28,968 --> 00:14:29,867 [Wiegel] I ENJOY FIREWORKS. 413 00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:32,070 I ACTUALLY HAVE... 414 00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:35,072 IF I HAVE AN ADDICTION TO ANYTHING, 415 00:14:35,174 --> 00:14:37,141 IT'S SPARKLERS. 416 00:14:37,243 --> 00:14:41,412 UM... YOU KNOW, ROUND COME 4th OF JULY, 417 00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:44,415 UH, YOU'RE GONNA FIND ME, YOU KNOW, 418 00:14:44,517 --> 00:14:46,384 TAKING SPARKLER OFF A PERP, 419 00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:47,685 GIVING HIM A TICKET, 420 00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:49,598 AND THEN I'M GONNA GO IN MY BACKYARD WITH MY CATS 421 00:14:49,622 --> 00:14:51,823 AND WE'RE GONNA PUT ON A SHOW. 422 00:14:51,925 --> 00:14:53,824 I DON'T WANT THAT ONE. 423 00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:55,567 DID YOU JUST THROW THAT OUT THE WINDOW? 424 00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,130 I DON'T WANT IT. 425 00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:00,409 WELL, PICK IT UP. 426 00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:01,766 NO. 427 00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:03,934 WHY, IS SOMEONE GONNA ARREST ME? 428 00:15:08,742 --> 00:15:10,975 NOPE, I ALREADY GOT YOU. 429 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,443 DON'T EVEN TRY IT. 430 00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:13,811 PUT IT BACK. 431 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:14,645 ALL RIGHT. 432 00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:15,748 LEAVE IT ALONE, OKAY? 433 00:15:15,782 --> 00:15:17,281 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 434 00:15:17,383 --> 00:15:19,750 SLOW... AND... 435 00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:22,920 [laughing] 436 00:15:23,022 --> 00:15:24,155 YEAH. 437 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:28,359 WELL, WE GOT A 10-19 CALL FOR TRESPASSING. 438 00:15:28,461 --> 00:15:30,828 THERE IS NO PARKING, THERE'S NO CAMPING, 439 00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:35,166 THERE'S NO, UH, STAYING FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME. 440 00:15:35,267 --> 00:15:37,902 WE GOT A CALL ABOUT... WELL, THERE IT IS. 441 00:15:38,004 --> 00:15:40,004 WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIGURE OUT 442 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,283 WHAT THE HELL HE'S DOING OUT HERE. 443 00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:43,975 USUALLY, THEY'RE DRINKIN' AND READING PORNO. 444 00:15:44,077 --> 00:15:45,710 OH, WHERE'S ALL YOUR CUSTOMERS, SIR? 445 00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,211 I DON'T, UH... 446 00:15:47,313 --> 00:15:49,058 I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU'RE DOING ANY BUSINESS OUT HERE. 447 00:15:49,082 --> 00:15:51,115 YOU SERVING GOPHERS AND, UH... 448 00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:56,821 [speaking foreign language] 449 00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:57,988 NO. 450 00:15:58,090 --> 00:15:59,190 NO, NO, NO. 451 00:15:59,292 --> 00:16:00,792 UH... WOW. 452 00:16:00,894 --> 00:16:02,894 WE GOT A FUNNY-LOOKING VAN HERE, DON'T WE? 453 00:16:02,996 --> 00:16:04,228 GOLLY, LOOK AT THAT. 454 00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,897 YOU GOT ALL THESE "NO SMOKING" SIGNS ON YOUR ICE CREAM TRUCK. 455 00:16:06,999 --> 00:16:09,066 YOU GOT, UH, "NO SMOKING" HERE, 456 00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:10,668 AND "NO SMOKING" OVER HERE, 457 00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:14,672 AND "NO... WHOA, WE GOT A RUNNER! 458 00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:16,673 THERE WE GO, THERE WE GO. 459 00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:19,310 [shouting in foreign language] 460 00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:21,612 WHOA, HO, HO, CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN. 461 00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,748 YOU GOTTA LEARN NOT TO RUN, SIR. 462 00:16:23,849 --> 00:16:25,916 WATCH YOUR HEAD. COME ON, SIR. 463 00:16:26,018 --> 00:16:27,451 GET IN! 464 00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:28,786 GET IN, SIR, DON'T FIGHT HIM. 465 00:16:28,888 --> 00:16:30,087 OH! HE'S KICKING ME! 466 00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:31,488 HE'S KICKING ME! 467 00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:34,625 SIR, I WILL NOT HESITATE TO BEAT YOUR ASS 468 00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,060 WITH YOUR OWN SHOE! 469 00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:37,561 SETTLE DOWN! 470 00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,363 WHAT YOU GOT IN HERE? 471 00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:41,031 OH! 472 00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:43,835 KUNG PAO, BOK CHOY, JONES! 473 00:16:43,937 --> 00:16:47,104 WE JUST HIT THE CHINA-MAN GOLD MINE. 474 00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:48,839 HAPPY NEW YEAR. 475 00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:50,407 BOY, THIS WOULD MAKE A PARTY FUN. 476 00:16:50,509 --> 00:16:52,576 THAT'LL BLOW YOUR BALLS TO HELL RIGHT THERE, 477 00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:53,955 IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL. 478 00:16:53,979 --> 00:16:55,512 WE GOT A LOT OF FIREWORKS... 479 00:16:55,614 --> 00:16:58,315 ILLEGAL FIREWORKS HERE, UP IN WAUSAU CANYON, 480 00:16:58,418 --> 00:16:59,550 SO WE'RE GONNA NEED BACKUP. 481 00:16:59,652 --> 00:17:00,784 IT'S JONES AND GARCIA HERE. 482 00:17:00,886 --> 00:17:02,886 HOW OLD DO I LOOK? HOW OLD DO I LOOK? 483 00:17:02,988 --> 00:17:04,588 HOW OLD DO I LOOK? 484 00:17:09,729 --> 00:17:10,894 I DON'T KNOW. 485 00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:12,997 I DON'T WANT... IF I GO... IF I GO TOO HIGH... 486 00:17:13,099 --> 00:17:14,843 YOU GO LOW, YOU'RE GONNA OFFEND ME EITHER WAY. 487 00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,011 I OFFEND YOU IF I GO TOO LOW? 488 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,002 UH, DAMNED IF YOU DO, DAMNED IF YOU DON'T, 489 00:17:18,104 --> 00:17:19,384 YOU KNOW? 490 00:17:22,041 --> 00:17:23,307 YOU'RE A HANDSOME... 491 00:17:23,409 --> 00:17:24,308 YOU WANT TO SEE HOW OLD I AM? 492 00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:25,721 I WOULD LOVE TO SEE HOW OLD YOU ARE. 493 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:27,089 OH, SURE, YOU CAN TAKE MY WHOLE WALLET. 494 00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:28,379 HERE, LOOK, IT'S RIGHT THERE. 495 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:29,625 JUST TAKE A LOOK, IT'S RIGHT THERE. 496 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:31,916 SEE RIGHT THERE HOW OLD I AM. 497 00:17:32,018 --> 00:17:35,720 [imitating fanfare] 498 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:37,622 AND THE WINNER IS YOU. 499 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:39,457 LUCKY 41. 500 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:40,736 YOU GOT A LOT OF STUFF ON THAT BELT. 501 00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,161 YOU GOT, UH... YOU DON'T JUST HAVE THE WALLET. 502 00:17:43,263 --> 00:17:44,161 NO, I GOT THAT... 503 00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:45,996 YOU HAVE A... WHAT IS THAT? 504 00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:46,931 IS THAT A GUN? 505 00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,073 IS THERE A NAME FOR THAT? 506 00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:49,733 YEAH, IT'S A GLOCK. 507 00:17:49,835 --> 00:17:51,969 OH, DO YOU CARRY THE... YOU CARRY MACE? 508 00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:53,415 OF COURSE I CARRY MACE, I CARRY EVERYTHING. 509 00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:54,683 I CARRY GUN CLIPS, I CARRY MACE. 510 00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:55,806 WOW. 511 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:57,641 THIS CAN KNOCK SOMEBODY OUT. 512 00:17:57,743 --> 00:17:59,243 THIS CAN PUT SOMEBODY DOWN. 513 00:17:59,345 --> 00:18:01,312 THAT'S THE BEST THING WE PROBABLY CARRY. 514 00:18:01,414 --> 00:18:03,347 YEAH, WHAT DO YOU DO, JUST PRESS IT LIKE THAT? 515 00:18:03,449 --> 00:18:04,214 YEAH, EXACTLY... 516 00:18:04,316 --> 00:18:05,427 YOU JUST HOLD IT UP AND YOU GO... 517 00:18:05,451 --> 00:18:11,055 [screaming and crying] 518 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,559 OH, MY [beep] WALLET. 519 00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:23,968 [whining] 520 00:18:24,070 --> 00:18:27,338 OW... OH, OW, OW. 521 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,206 HEY, HEY! OW, OW! 522 00:18:29,308 --> 00:18:31,575 [sobbing] 523 00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:37,415 YEAH, MAN. 524 00:18:37,483 --> 00:18:38,803 YEAH, I DO FEEL GOOD ABOUT THIS. 525 00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:39,984 THIS IS GREAT. 526 00:18:40,086 --> 00:18:42,353 YOU KNOW, THE STREETS OF RENO ARE A LOT SAFER 527 00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:43,988 BECAUSE OF WHAT WE DID TODAY. 528 00:18:44,090 --> 00:18:45,623 BECAUSE OF WHAT OUR ACCOMPLISHMENT 529 00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:48,058 OF WHAT WE DID IN RENO, WE MADE THE STREETS 530 00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:50,061 THAT MUCH BETTER FOR IT. 531 00:18:50,163 --> 00:18:53,030 [exploding] 532 00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,932 THIS [bleep] AIN'T FUNNY, MAN! 533 00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:56,478 OH, YOU WANT TO GO? YOU WANT TO GO? 534 00:18:56,502 --> 00:18:57,982 GET ME A LIGHTER, GIVE ME A LIGHTER. 535 00:18:58,070 --> 00:18:59,582 OH, YOU WANT TO GO WITH JONESY, HUH? 536 00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:01,049 YOU WANT TO GO A ROUND WITH JONESY? 537 00:19:01,073 --> 00:19:02,184 LET'S GO! 538 00:19:02,208 --> 00:19:04,141 LET'S GO MOTHER... [beep] LET'S GO! 539 00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:08,445 [popping fireworks] 540 00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:09,548 [whistling rockets] 541 00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,915 [laughing] 542 00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:18,657 THERE YOU GO. 543 00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:22,325 [cheering] 544 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,196 OH, MAN, THIS IS GOOD TIMES. 545 00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:29,033 [all shouting at once] 546 00:19:29,135 --> 00:19:30,434 OH [beep] 547 00:19:30,536 --> 00:19:32,036 I HIT THE TRUCK! I HIT THE TRUCK! 548 00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:33,971 I HIT THE TRUCK! GO, GO, GO! 549 00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:36,206 I HIT IT, I HIT IT, GET DOWN, GET DOWN! 550 00:19:36,309 --> 00:19:37,385 WHAT'D YOU HIT? 551 00:19:37,409 --> 00:19:38,721 I HIT THE TRUCK WITH A BOTTLE ROCKET. 552 00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:41,245 HOLY COW. OH, PLEASE. 553 00:19:41,347 --> 00:19:44,915 [shouting] 554 00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:49,954 [whistling and popping] 555 00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:56,327 [all talking at once] 556 00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:57,572 OH, MY GOD! 557 00:19:57,596 --> 00:19:59,563 OH, BOY, DANGLE. 558 00:19:59,665 --> 00:20:01,432 I'M OUT OF HERE. 559 00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,300 I DON'T KNOW YA, NEVER DID. 560 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:05,536 OH, MAN. WOW. 561 00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:07,171 I THINK WE CAN SAVE IT 562 00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:08,639 [Dangle] NO, I DON'T THINK SO. 563 00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:13,277 CAN WE GET THE FIRE DEPARTMENT DOWN HERE? 564 00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:14,845 [screeching tires] 565 00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:16,680 [crashing] 566 00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:17,893 WHAT?! WHAT?! 567 00:20:17,917 --> 00:20:19,282 WHAT ON EARTH? 568 00:20:19,385 --> 00:20:21,619 HEY... YOU DON'T... HEY, I DON'T NEED THAT. 569 00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:22,453 I DON'T NEED THAT. 570 00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:23,554 LOOK... LOOK, I... 571 00:20:23,589 --> 00:20:24,633 YOU DON'T KNOW ME, ALL RIGHT? 572 00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,790 HE'S GOT AN APPARATUS STRAPPED TO HIS HEAD! 573 00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,172 YOU DON'T KNOW ME! 574 00:20:28,260 --> 00:20:29,427 LOOK, THERE'S A CHICK HERE 575 00:20:29,529 --> 00:20:31,262 THAT'S BEEN STEALING ALL MY CLOTHES. 576 00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:33,097 THIS TAKES 30 SECONDS TO TAKE OFF. 577 00:20:33,199 --> 00:20:34,309 DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 578 00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:35,543 ALL I HAVE TO DO IS JUST TAKE IT OFF. 579 00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:36,611 DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 580 00:20:36,635 --> 00:20:38,368 I JUST TAKE THIS OFF, IT'S JUST OFF, 581 00:20:38,471 --> 00:20:40,938 AND THEN I'M NAKED, YOU KNOW? 582 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,184 I'M JUST STANDING THERE NAKED. 583 00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:44,609 AND THEN I GOT, LIKE, HALF A SONG LEFT. 584 00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:45,776 I GIVE UP! I'M SORRY! 585 00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:47,010 I DIDN'T MEAN TO BREAK IN. 586 00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:48,312 [shooting] 587 00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,381 WIEGEL! WIEGEL! 588 00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:53,918 I DID IT... I DID SOMETHING! 589 00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,185 [laughing] 590 00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:57,020 U.S.A.! U.S.A.! 591 00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:07,297 YOU KNOW, ALL IT IS IS STAY AWAY 592 00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:08,766 FROM MY [beep] TAMALES. 593 00:21:08,868 --> 00:21:10,568 WATCH THE LANGUAGE! 594 00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:13,637 AND SECOND OF ALL, LET'S THINK OF ANOTHER WORD. 595 00:21:13,739 --> 00:21:15,406 STAY AWAY FROM MY... 596 00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:16,973 [Wiegel] POPCORN. 597 00:21:17,076 --> 00:21:18,354 NO, WE'RE NOT REPLACING THE TAMALES, 598 00:21:18,378 --> 00:21:19,677 WE'RE REPLACING THE F-WORD, 599 00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,512 BECAUSE WE DON'T SAY THE F-WORD 600 00:21:21,614 --> 00:21:23,648 WHEN WE'RE SERVING AND PROTECTING. 601 00:21:23,750 --> 00:21:25,449 OKAY. WE DON'T SAY THE F-WORD. 602 00:21:25,551 --> 00:21:27,684 WHAT ABOUT [beep]? 603 00:21:27,786 --> 00:21:29,853 Captions made possible by COMEDY CENTRAL 604 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,655 Captioned by Soundwriters™